Friday, February 26, 2010

Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned


Bob Marshall, a Virginia delegate (R-13th District), had this to say about the reason women have disabled children...

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion who have handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first-born of any, Nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children. In the Old Testament, the first-born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There's a special punishment Christians would suggest, and with the knowledge they have from faith has been verified by a study by the Virginia Commonwealth University.”

Huh, I am not even sure where to begin with all that is wrong there, so I’ll change the subject.

I got baptized in the Spring of 2008. As part of the process at my church you have to meet with someone and talk about your understanding of baptism. I was asked what I expected would be the result of my baptism.

Considering that God had made it very clear to me that he wanted to me to get baptized (why else would I stand in a water tank, chest-level deep, in front of a couple hundred people and profess my commitment to him), I was convinced that there would be a dramatic change in my life. I expected to come up out of the water a new person, connected to God in a new way.

Just a couple weeks after my baptism, I found out that the baby inside me had a major heart defect and would require life-saving surgery by 6 months old. Oh, yeah, and it likely had Down syndrome too. Not exactly the baptism blessing one might expect to receive.

In fact, a girl might start to wonder if God was punishing her for something. Because after all, aren’t disabled children a burden? Don’t they suffer and cause those around them to suffer? Isn’t the scorn and hate people heap on them because they are inherently wrong, a mistake of nature, perhaps even Nature’s vengeance?

I am so glad God prepared me through baptism for the birth of Kimani. He knew that soon I would walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. He knew all the things I might think, all the fears I would have. He knew the barrage of contempt and ridicule complete strangers would hurl at me.

And he also knew that when it was all said and done, I would know I had been honored. I have given birth to a child that has given birth to me. There is no greater gift I could ask for. Kimani has cemented my faith in God and she has woken up my creative heart.

Thank you God, for in spite of my many sins, you have richly blessed me.

(Oh, and Mr. Marshall, shame on you for saying such an ugly, hurtful lie.)


Lyla Lindquist said...

Umm...Mr. Marshall.

I'll change the subject too.

"I have given birth to a child that has given birth to me."

Trying to remember how to breathe now. I could sit with that sentence for the next three days and still not know what to say.

Amazing. And thank you.

Tara said...

"Kimani has cemented my faith in God and she has woken up my creative heart." Beautiful! This is exactly how I feel about Eon.

Erin said...

Ugg, this post really hurt to read. I guess it's just the fact that there are people out there who believe these crazy things. Do I believe what he says? NO. Does it hurt me to the core? Yes.

I love what you said and I too believe my little Lucas has given birth to me. Such an incredible gift he is.

Far Above Rubies said...

I was told something very similar to this by church going friends. Needless to say, they are no longer friends.

We have nothing to be ashamed of and you said it so well - "Kimani has cemented my faith in God and she has woken up my creative heart." Ella has done the same for me.

Your story touched me - Thank you!!!! xox

the Jeffr said...

Beautiful post. It takes a lot to be willing to reshape our ideas of what's good and fair and right. I can certainly identify with the concept of a painful but exhilarating rebirth. The past three years have rocked me to my core, but I've also been fundamentally changed in a way I never expected. I was resentful of my situation for so long, but recently I've come to the place where I can say I'm glad to be where I matter how I got here.

Dawie said...

"I have given birth to a child that has given birth to me."


I cannot give birth (Male) but my Mia has given me new life as well and you have very eloquently stated what is inside many mothers' (and fathers') hearts.

God bless you.

Post a Comment

Go ahead, say it.