Sun Shine Down - Review & Giveaway

I like books that can make me cry, and true stories - memoirs - that make me cry are even better. In fact, if you write a memoir and I read it and don’t cry even once, then I wonder what the heck you wasted my time for. If I borrow your life for a while, I want to feel something I have never felt in my own. Sun Shine Down by Gillian Marchenko accomplishes that. And considering I have lived through my own birthing of a child with Down syndrome, that was no easy feat.

Gillian is an American married to a Ukrainian and living in Ukraine when she gives birth to their third child, a girl with a surprise diagnosis of Down syndrome. The birth itself was traumatic and the aftermath was even worse. Gillian found herself in the inbetween space of wanting to, and knowing she is supposed to, love her baby and not quite being able to. She is both physically (the newborn is in the NICU for weeks) and mentally separated from her child. Her story is one of how she found her way to loving Polina.

I think most people take loving a baby for granted. You just assume it comes naturally, and in most situations it does. But sometimes when our expectations clash with our reality, love does not come easily. Gillian turned to many outside sources for support. Some good, some dangerous. The book is very honest about her sorrow and depression (which she was always prone to.)

The book is a little shorter than your average memoir, but I actually appreciated not having to wade through her whole life history or every needless NICU detail. She focused on the things that mattered, and she writes about them so artistically that I could not evade feeling what she did. Most Christian writers (Gillian is a born again Christian married to a pastor) can’t help but let their faith drive their narratives, but not Gillian. God was in the book but he wasn’t the “fix.”

The climax of the story is obviously that Gillian falls in love with Polina and even though you know it has to come sooner or later, when it does you’ll get chills and you might just find yourself crying again. In most stories, the resolution is the last thrill you get, but not in this story... Gillian included an epilogue that brings you back to Ukraine where you get to meet the girl who will become their fourth daughter. Those last paragraphs left me wanting more from her.

If you are looking for a good read to curl up with this winter or a great story to give as a gift to your favorite reader, Sun Shine Down will do the trick. If you’d like to score a free copy, leave a comment below. I will pick a random winner in a week or so.

Authenticity and Vulnerability

I didn’t write that post yesterday to invite ego stroking (though I admit it was nice to hear from so many people that you give a hoot what I have to say.) I wrote it because I was really struggling with how honest and vulnerable I am willing to get in my writing. Because there are consequences that come with being authentic and sharing the real deal.

While the comments I received here and on FB were encouraging, one of them was a game changer. It came from an IRL reader who I went to grade school with. I wish she and I lived close enough for coffee dates because while she was cool in school (heh heh) she grew up to be even cooler and has had more than her fair share of grief and life experience. She directed me to a blogger named Brené Brown who writes a blog called Ordinary Courage. My friend suggested I watch a video, and I did.

That was it, that was all it took to know that I can overcome my fears (and an unhealthy dose of shame) to step off the cliff and be authentic and vulnerable. It’s not like I won’t lighten things up with a cake pop post here and there but I believe it is time for me to dig deeper into my heart and mind and let the b-side of me out of her cage.

Just promise me that if you are going to stick around for it that you will be gentle me :-) Oh, yeah and those of you who know me IRL, just pretend someone else has appropriated this blog. Deal?

It Is So Hard to Keep It Real

Last night I wrote a post about the days when I was not an ok mom (prompted by an excellent post on Gillian's blog.) It was an honest post that described my struggles to overcome rageful reactions to ordinary kid stuff that my kids do. It was the kind of post that might touch someone out there who needs to hear that she is not alone, that there is hope, and that change is possible.

But I did not end up posting it. I may never post it. In fact as I read through my posts of late (the past year or so) I wonder if I will ever post real stuff that matters ever again... because too many people I know IRL read this blog (ahem, not that you would ever know that by the comments or rather lack there of.)

I struggle as a mom. I have body image issues. I am sad about my daughter Kimani... it twists my heart and mind. I have not-so-nice but true and rather funny opinions of some people around me and in my virtual world. I am seriously no longer convinced about God. I hate being a SAHM. I miss the freedom to travel. My husband doesn’t get enough sex. I am often tired of being me now and ache to be me then. I am conflicted about abortion. You get the idea.

But if I step off the cliff and write about all that, what does it really matter and in the long run it will only hurt me. When I go to publish my nonfiction book about parenting infants with Down syndrome, people will say, "That is the same woman who writes all that awful crap on her blog." When I try to set up playdates for my kids the moms will remember what I have written here and think maybe they don’t want their kids around her kids. I have already lost much of my Christian readership and would likely lose the rest.

Why blog anymore? I don’t know. There must be a reason I still feel drawn to write the truth as I see it.

It's a Hop!

Guess what? October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month. This means that we-who-love-someone-with-Ds will go out of our way to tell those of you who may not even know anyone with Ds what its all about.

This year my friend Meriah (With a Little Moxie) and I will be hosting a Ds Awareness Blog Hop (beginning Oct 5th) as a part of the T21 Writer's Alliance.

First things first: What is a Blog Hop?
A blog hop is when a bunch of bloggers share their posts at the end of our “hopper” posts by entering their url and blog name in a “linky”. Once a fellow blogger submits their link, it comes up as a part of a collected list. From the list, visitors can click and check out the writers on the list to read their posts.

I have never hosted a Blog Hop before but I am pretty excited to do it. I enjoy reading all my friends posts and having them all linked together is such a great way for we slackers to catch up with everyone.

October Down syndrome Weekend Blog Hop
The point of the October Down syndrome Weekend Blog Hop is raise awareness about life with Ds, connect the Down syndrome blogging community, and to inspire each other.

Those of you that are participating in the 31-for-21 Blogging Marathon, please select the one post you liked best that you posted in the course of the week and share that on the Hop.

For those of you that are not participating in 31-for-21, please select either a new post or a favorite past post and share that.

For Those of You that Like Prompts
Ellen Stumbo has shared optional prompts for the hops. They are:
Oct 5 – 7: A defining moment
Oct 12-14: If I knew then what I know now
Oct 19-21: Celebrating milestones
Oct 26-28: What I look forward to

Those (wonderful) prompts are entirely optional: take ‘em or leave ‘em.

Blog Hop Button

<a href="http://theunknowncontributor.blogspot.com/"> <img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8456/8030173311_c6e1064e3d_m.jpg" alt="T21 Alliance Blog Hop" width="150" height="150" /> </a>

Share this Hop! The more the merrier!

Blog Hop Code
There will be a link "get code" link at the bottom of each blog hop – it would be great to click, copy and paste the code to your own blog. When you do that, you yourself become a host for the Blog Hop. You help share the diversity of expression, thought and belief in our writing community when you include the voices of everyone else in the Hop.

Creative Aspirations

I like to think that I am creative and that I have some talent as a writer. (I think I am funny too, although you’d never know it from reading my blog.) For as long and as far back as my memory goes, there is an immutable urge to write something good.

For a while I worked on an adventurous tale of deception, desire, and magic set in 14th century Romania and France (though France wasn’t France back then.) The story was born on my couch just before I started grad school. After a minor surgery, I was stuck there on that couch recuperating for days. Once I ran out of magazines to read, bingo lottery scratch off tickets to scrape, and movies I’d rented... there was nothing left to do but watch t.v. Very late on one of those confinement nights, a movie started and it looked like it was going to be good... there was real potential bubbling in that cauldron and then it turned out to be The Beastmaster or something or other like that, and I was disappointed. So I asked myself, “What story would you have wanted to hear?” I scribbled the answer down in a green spiral notebook and that became my project for a time.

I never finished writing that story. Life got in the way... grad school, a husband, a bunch of kids, and then I changed. Once that happened, a magical story didn’t seem appropriate anymore.

But now that I am bored out of my mind cleaning up poop, cooking dinner, washing clothes, and reading A Mother for Chocofor the zillionth time... I find myself percolating with an itch to write. It isn’t that simple though... I mean, I can’t just sit down and do it... I feel like I need some foreplay or something.

As all this was going ‘round in my brain, I stumbled on a FB post by LL Barkat referencing an invitation to participate in a virtual book club experience where the selection is Julia Cameron’s The Artist's Way. I have that book. It was a gift from my Artist Aunt. I remember really liking the idea of the book way back when but never actually doing more than one or two of the “tasks.” I ran out to the garage and dug through five or so plastic bins of books until I located it. I am ready.

Next Wednesday I will begin a journey to “recover my creativity from a variety of blocks, including limited beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy, guilt, addictions, and other inhibiting forces, replacing them with artistic confidence and productivity.” Ok, my dear aspiring writer friends... do any of those blocks apply to you? Want to join the quest to “connect your creativity with the creative energies of the universe”? If so, check The Artist’s Way out of your local library or buy yourself a copyand meet me over at the Tweetspeak Poetry blog on May 23rd.