Warriors

We were drafted. My only way out would have been to take her as the first casualty. Before I played this game of Risk, I knew I wouldn’t deploy that sniper. So now, here I am, far from the battlefield still dreaming of little shattered bodies.

This time last year I was living in a NICU chair, angry and sad, but still unaware of the real battles that lay ahead. I didn’t know yet that my baby and I had entered a war. I didn’t know that her aorta was too narrow and wreaking havoc on her heart and lungs. I didn’t know that a teensy bacteria could find its way into her brain and eat away at it. I didn’t yet understand that death really does come for babies.

Sarah, Rita, Jasanna, Miracle, Jayshawn, Bella, Savanna, Ryan, Kimani, Ashlyn... our battalion... some died, some made it out, some are forever wounded, some are still enlisted. I wonder if their moms feel like I do. I wonder if their dads play Guild Wars and kill fantasy creatures in dark livingrooms.



I wonder if I can ever get the shrapnel out from under my skin.

(Thanks go to my dear husband for providing the screen shot of his Guild Wars character (named after me, awww) standing over her latest trophy.)