Monday, August 30, 2010

Pre-Wedding Jitters

Adopting a baby is very much like having a baby and now I think I know what guys feel like. Your body doesn’t change... you don’t feel the baby growing inside of you. You spend your days preparing for the arrival of a new little someone to love and then one day they place a bundle in your arms. Congratulations, it’s a girl.

It is a baby that knows nothing of the world, who has no loves before you, no life beyond you. A baby that can’t jump up and run off, a baby who speaks no language but that of affection and nurturing.

Adopting a child is like getting married. I remember diving in, terrified, saying I do when I wasn’t sure I could. I had never experienced a successful marriage and wasn’t sure the concept was really doable in real life.

Masha is not an infant. She has a life. She sings in Russian or maybe its Ukrainian... I don’t even know the difference. She runs away. She has a personality. She loves people I have never met. She doesn’t know me nor does she know what a mother is.

In a week or so I will “marry” her. I don’t know that she even wants to be married. It is best for her... it will change her life, but what does a three year old care about the future?

I have my dress, the invitations have been sent, the church has been rented. I am going to walk down the aisle, I am going to cry when I say I do. I know this story, I have been the bride before.

And just like the first time, I am scared.

7 comments:

Lisa said...

Can I be a bridesmaid? I already have my dress...and I've been through this before. I will make sure you still look pretty when you are passed out cold on the floor ;).

Deep breaths. Cold feet can be warmed. Jitters can be soothed. I wish both for you in the coming days.

Forge ahead...there is no turning back. You are Masha's hope. You are her life, her love, her future. She's only three...and she just doesn't know it yet.

(It's a good thing people don't marry as toddlers ;).)

Dig deep. She's worth it.

xoxoxo

The Sanchez Family said...

I know this all too well my dear friend. It's so true. The cold feet, the jitters, the whole nine yards. Hector and I felt the same way...it would have been so easy to run away. But Lisa is right...you are her hope, her life, her love, her family...you are doing the right thing by saving her. You might not know it yet and she might not know it yet but it's true. Hang in there...you are not alone in your thoughts and fears and we are standing here by your side every step of the way!

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

I can't imagine the emotional turmoil that you must be going through, but I can tell you that Masha will come to love you so much and seeing what you have done for her grandparents makes it clear that she will always be connected to her other home as well. You are an amazing woman and Masha is lucky to be getting to marry you!

JoAnn said...

I have adopted two children (both special needs, one severely disabled), so I remember just how much like a wedding it seemed when I sat before the judge and answered "I do" and "I will" to the vows to love and cherish those precious children just as if they had been born of my womb.

But you have walked further out on the water than I have.....I adopted two of my own grandchildren, so have not experienced many of the things that you are going through right now.

Still, I know that God honors all those who step out of the boat to tread the waves with Him by faith.....His hand is there, smoothing the way, guiding and protecting and blessing Masha and you and your family as you become united in Him.

I certainly understand your fears and uncertainties, but you did this from Love, HIS Love....how can anything so right possibly be wrong? You are literally saving her, and she is SO worth it!!!

And as other have said before, we are right here beside you! Every step of the way!

((((((hugs)))))))

Kim said...

Can I ask a question? How have you made your blogspot page look like it does? You have some awesome art/effects and it looks like you've somehow modified the templates. Did you do it yourself or did you have some help? Thanks!!

doozee said...

wow! I'm catching up on what's been going on with you and yours and... WOW! You are *this* close to having your new little one! Such a momentous time...

Kathleen@so much to say, so little time said...

And yet even having a baby the "old-fashioned way" requires a leap of faith. Good for you for taking yours...

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