Sunday, August 11, 2013

My Latest Parenting Fail

Warning: This post has a gross factor rating of a zillion. If you have a weak stomach or are catching up on blog reading while eating your lunch, turn back now.

Let me set the situation for you. I have been alone with my four youngest children and no vehicle for three days now because my husband has the Gecko away at Boy Scout camp and the van is in the shop.

I am bored. They are bored. The sun is shining but nobody wants to do the same thing outside so we are mostly staying in. Masha and Autumn are stir crazy. They are getting into all kinds of trouble. And they keep bugging me to let them go outside to ride their bikes. So finally, I fling open the doors and let them loose.

The phone rings. My girlfriend and I start chatting, and after a minute or two I realize I don’t hear or see the girls. So I send Jade out to check on them.

Jade, running back into the house, "Mom! Mom! Reba killed something. Reba killed a chipmunk. It's dead. Mom! Come see!"

Me, still on the phone, "Are the girls near it?"

Jade, "Yes!"

Me, running out the door and screaming, “Are they TOUCHING it?!”

Jade, "YES!!!"

When Masha saw me coming, she threw ↓ ↓ ↓ what she was holding in her hand.


Me, horrified, "OH MY FREAKING GOD!"

Masha, scared now... put her hand in her mouth in that self-soothing way she always does.

Me... dropped dead from a gross-out heart attack... no really, I screamed louder, "GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" and I grabbed her and held her hands away from her face the whole way to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, I yelled to Jade, "Keep Autumn away from that thing."

Once Masha was clean, I went back out to get Autumn.

Jade, looking grim, "She touched it too, mom."

Me, "Oh no no no no no no" as I rushed her to the bathroom sink.

When I went out to get rid of it, I saw that not only had our cat killed that thing, but she had also eaten it... and puked it up.

Yes, my beautiful 6 and 3 year old girls were outside playing with dead, puked up animal parts. Ugh.

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