Sadly, my husband will not be getting that. It is just too dang cold to be outside grilling steak, and I have been having a not-so-secret affair with the dentist (three visits in two weeks) so he will be getting buffalo blue chicken dip with Tostito Scoops and the hand for dessert.
Since I am already on the subject of sex, let me ask you... is anybody who is married with kids getting enough?
I know we aren’t. I try really hard to remember when we were and sure enough there are no kids anywhere around those memories. Ever since the oldest grew up enough to notice, um, stuff, we had to start being careful. No more craziness on the couch, the kitchen table, the lawn...
And then one day I realized that we are never alone. And somehow our kids just know when something might be up. Doesn’t matter if we try to hide in our room and lock the door... they will bang on it. They know. It must be some strange survival instinct that protects them from acquiring more siblings... I swear it even wakes them up at night.
In the old days, a moment of flirtation might lead to having to pull off on a side road, but now the only reasons we stop are to let someone out to pee, or to change a diaper. There is just no spontaneity anymore. Not even late at night when I am sure, really sure they are all asleep because by then, I am too.
Recently I went to visit my gyno who I have not bothered with since Kimani was born, and I whined to her that I need something, a magic pill, to fix this. Blah, blah blah... no fix, totally normal... WHAT?! Not what I (and surely not what my husband) wanted to hear. She suggested that maybe I should set the alarm for 5 a.m. and slip in some early action. I can barely drag my butt out of bed at 6:30 a.m. to get five kids ready for school... You think I am getting up at 5 for sex?
If not for the seven (mostly) childless weeks we spent in Ukraine two years ago, I would think maybe that wild girl I used to know (who once did it on a barstool in a packed club, remember that one, honey?) was dead. But, there in Ukraine I learned there is hope. It would seem that when there are no children around, and endless hours of alone time... we are still us, and still hot, and still up for it. (And see, my kids were right... when mommy and daddy were left alone for too long, two more siblings arrived.)
Ok, so that said, tell me... how are you going to hide from your kids today in order to celebrate Juicy Juicy Day?
6 comments:
Yeah. Not celebrating that. But this post made me laugh pretty hard. And it made me wonder if I'm brave enough to write about my sex life. Or absence of.
Eric calls our kids the cock blockers...or the CB's for short....
and we though spurts, where we'll have crazy amounts of sex for a couple of weeks then it's nada for 3....and we totally blame it on the kids...
And I hate it when we're getting all ready for a night of lovin' then a crying kid comes in and ruins it...
A barstool? you wild woman...
Apparently for sex two people need to be in the same room (at least) at the same time instead of different states, different countries, and different timezones. And I never was one for infidelity.
Does that answer your question?
Definitely not getting enough at this stage of our lives. On the flip side, when I was late this month, there was no panic as I knew pregnancy was not even a remote possibility. Always a silver lining, right?
Ha ha ha, Tara, I have to write about that... being late and panicking at this stage of life. Getting pregnant again is my worst nightmare :-)
Juicy Juicy Day?? I had no idea this day even existed! And neither does my husband as he never even mentioned anything about steak and a blow job. Phew!!! cause lately, yeah, sex is lacking. Sex or sleep? Sleep. And like you, I swear the kids know when we are attempting to get it on! Great post and maybe one day I'll be brave enough to post about my sex life.
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