Friday, February 27, 2009

What's She Worth?



There I was sitting on the couch, crying, and wondering aloud to my husband whether we should decorate the nursery with bedding previously used by our other children or buy new for this baby... our last baby. Up until the prior week there had been no doubt in my mind. Our little caboose would have a sage and chocolate colored, organic cotton crib set with matching curtains and a mobile too. But now that we knew there was an 80 percent chance of Down syndrome, the question lurked about in my mind.

At the time I didn’t realize that I was actually questioning the value of a “defective” child. 90 percent of children with Down syndrome don’t make it out of the womb alive because their parents answered no to a question about value much more significant than if new bedding was in order. Ah, but still, I am just as guilty of misjudging my child’s worth because the underlying belief was the same.

I am angry that I ever considered such a thing. I had forgotten that God created this child for His own purpose and glory (not mine), forgotten that God himself was weaving this child together in my womb. And, I had forgotten the gentle admonition that this child has its own angel in heaven who always sees the face of God (and can probably see what’s in the nursery too...)

Who am I to tell God that His work is flawed? He sees this child in ways I will never be able to. Perhaps the Holy Spirit lives in this child in a special way that I will never experience or comprehend. God knew then, while we were on the couch, that it was a girl and that she would be a great teacher. He knew then that He already loved her as much as He loves me... or you. If the King of Kings sent His own son to die for her, surely I could buy her a new layette.

So what is she worth? Everything.



(Isaiah 43:7, Psalms 139:13, Matthew 10:18)

10 comments:

Monica said...

~Beautiful~

RissaRoo said...

anyblogger...

thank you for sharing your heart. I will be thinking of these words for a long time, they touched my soul.

I grieve for the loss of people with down syndrome. They are beautiful, complete and precious people, and among the most loving, happy and gentle souls I'll ever know. I worked with kids with downs when I was a teen, and what I will always remember the most about that job was how open and sincere these little children were, how freely they gave their love and joy. There is nothing defective about that. Nothing but wonderful creations of God.

My aunt had downs but, like your daughter, was born with a heart defect. At the time they couldn't fix it, and she passed away at just six months old. My grandmother would have given anything to have been able to raise that baby! Thank you for for your words and for making people think, and think hard, about it.

nAncY said...

i like the little bunnies on it.

and i never thought of brown, blue and green as a colour combo...but it is really pretty!

Joelle said...

Oh, ouch. I hurt so sweetly. Gentle tears now for your love, your welcome of the wee one. Bless you, bless her.... (Have you read Expecting Adam by Martha Beck? If not, you just might find a kindred soul.)

Billy Coffey said...

Such beautiful and honest words...

Jennifer said...

"Everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for MY GLORY,
whom I formed and made."

Love your verse choices here.

Thank you for your honest. So refreshing ...

Gretchen Rubin said...

I saw the nice mention of my blog, The Happiness Project, here. I so much appreciate the link and you shining a spotlight on my blog! Thanks too for your vulnerability on this post- very beautiful. Thanks and best wishes, Gretchen Rubin.

Little Miss E said...

You spoke from the heart and touched mine a great deal. The nursery set looks beautiful and she will love it, but not neary as much as YOU will love HER.

Indy said...

Such a beautiful heart and nursery.

MaggieMae said...

Your honesty is beautiful and the path you took is well-travelled. No guilt but rather pride that you arrived in the right place, with the right baby in a world that needs more honesty and more teachers like you and like her.

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