tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post7565268848344866283..comments2023-04-17T12:00:38.914-04:00Comments on The Unknown Contributor: Some Kids Are Hard to RaiseTUChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929114678006935831noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-83318089582203995972013-09-13T22:57:29.110-04:002013-09-13T22:57:29.110-04:00Anon,
Down syndrome is not the reason Kimani is ...Anon, <br /><br />Down syndrome is not the reason Kimani is tough to raise (you got to that part of the post), so my question has nothing to do with if you can raise a kid with Ds or not, and I am certainly not judging abortion if that is what you think I meant. I am seriously wondering what people mean when they say that about a child that is already here. What do you do with a child that is already five years old and, if I understand them correctly, is "too difficult to raise" in their opinion. It just seems bizarre to me that they never consider what the alternatives are. And yes, adopting out a child you can't handle is certainly the best choice, although I am certain it would be heartbreaking for any parent that had to make that decision. I lumped the options together because they are all painful, not because I thought they are equal in appropriateness. Thank you for pointing it out to me how it looks; I appreciate your perspective. TUChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929114678006935831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-9418032560163086622013-09-13T22:11:53.235-04:002013-09-13T22:11:53.235-04:00I stopped reading when I got to you asking if thos...I stopped reading when I got to you asking if those of us who say we couldn't do what you do would murder a child. Why try to incite those of us (yes, myself included) who truly know we could not raise a Down's Syndrome child? Just because we know our limits doesn't mean we're all murderers! In fact, if someone knows they couldn't raise a Down's Syndrome child, so they adopted them out, that would be because they acknowledged they weren't up to the task and cared enough to find the child a home where someone was better suited. This seems to me a much better option than resorting to mistreatment, or as you suggested, murder. So, why lump them together? I understand you're angry and tired of being judged, but why turn around and judge others? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-35966111064330199862013-09-13T10:00:23.099-04:002013-09-13T10:00:23.099-04:00I hear you, TUC. I guess sometimes (most of the t...I hear you, TUC. I guess sometimes (most of the time) I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. When I talk about how "typical" my life is, I'm accused of sugar coating. When I talk about something being hard, I am accused of hurting the "cause". I think the best way to help our kids and our families is to live the most authentic lives we can, warts, beauty and all. <3Amy JD Hernandezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540564257426033402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-9575730674809292672013-09-12T12:16:27.248-04:002013-09-12T12:16:27.248-04:00I've been behind on my reading. Maybe I'm ...I've been behind on my reading. Maybe I'm one of those who made you feel silenced. For the record, I don't disagree with single thing you said. Because you didn't lay blame. If Kimani is hard to raise, she's hard to raise. You're not trying to parse it out as a "Down syndrome thing" or any one "thing". You're not taking your experience and generalizing it to an entire group of people. That's what bothers me. I don't want someone taking their experience and making it about "us".<br /><br />Anyways. I 100% agree with you that you deserve a place to be honest. I just wish everyone were as thoughtful as you with their words.Jisunhttp://www.kimchilatkes.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-23849618824296888602013-09-12T12:09:18.036-04:002013-09-12T12:09:18.036-04:00Amy, I think we are saying the same thing. A child...Amy, I think we are saying the same thing. A child can be very hard to raise and Ds, or any other diagnosis has nothing really to do with it. And as you say, some kids are easier to raise than the average and that too is not based on anything reliable... it just is. Right now Autumn is my easiest by far and she has Ds. My three typical kids were all harder than her at this age, so there is no telling how it will go. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on it.TUChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929114678006935831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-5087738446071882972013-09-12T10:11:36.855-04:002013-09-12T10:11:36.855-04:00This one rubbed me the wrong way; probably because...This one rubbed me the wrong way; probably because I wrote a post the other day about my difficult child. The point I was trying to get across in mine was that having a kid with Ds wasn't what was making my life harder and that my challenge came from our "perfect" oldest son. I wanted people to get that Ds, Autism, or whatever, some kids are easier than others. The diagnoses don't necessarily tell the whole picture. I think you are saying the same thing, sort of, but we are coming from different sides. I wanted people to know that they were not guaranteed an easy journey just because their kid was born "perfect", "healthy" or whatever. I hope you get what I am saying. Just wanted to let you know how I felt, so I wasn't stewing over it. I do tend to take things personally. It's something I am working on. :)Amy JD Hernandezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540564257426033402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-21635727332411647612013-09-12T09:22:53.857-04:002013-09-12T09:22:53.857-04:00Thank you for writing so clearly and thoughtfully ...Thank you for writing so clearly and thoughtfully about a topic that is hard to explain. We can all identify a little bit, even if our children don't meet those criteria. What you are talking about is clearly a different animal though, as you stated very impactfully and gracefully. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-55499710189931727412013-09-12T08:54:51.303-04:002013-09-12T08:54:51.303-04:00Amen. One of our typical kids is hard to.raise. Ad...Amen. One of our typical kids is hard to.raise. Add in the fact that he has two seperate households trying to correct issues that.come up and having sometimes radically different ideas on how to do so and basically its a.nightmare that we.never can wake up from full of problems that never truly go away or get resolved.. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-36662353528549544832013-09-12T08:51:19.241-04:002013-09-12T08:51:19.241-04:00Thank you for sharing that. It is possible that Ki...Thank you for sharing that. It is possible that Kimani has tummy trouble or some other physical thing here and there going on to make her grumpy. We are trying to track her and see what the triggers are. For now it seems like she does it when she is mad about something, jealous of attention, or just feeling impulsive. When she is impulsive, she bursts out with this crazy devilish laugh (and it is super hard not to laugh with her) when she is grabbing someone's hair (or plate, or coffee). She is mainly non-verbal and we are working really hard to give her ways to communicate (signs, PECs, manipulatives) but it still must be so hard to not be able to say what you want to. And I would imagine she is quite jealous of Autumn who went from being a non-verbal baby to a chattering toddler right before her very eyes. TUChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929114678006935831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-17539228047978843812013-09-12T08:43:39.495-04:002013-09-12T08:43:39.495-04:00Hi, I am so glad you wrote this..because there are...Hi, I am so glad you wrote this..because there are kids that are hard to raise. I am one of five kids and one of my sisters constantly brutalized our youngest sister. My parent went through therapy and all sorts of interventions with her but she had to mature and grow out of this phase. It also turned out she has some sort of bowel disease and always had stomach pains. I know this is quite obvious, but could there be any underlying medical issues causing Kimani to communicate in a way that harmful to herself and others?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18119345105943709206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-61733692571216742182013-09-12T06:51:44.036-04:002013-09-12T06:51:44.036-04:00I've had two of these. I rarely mentioned pro...I've had two of these. I rarely mentioned problems with them because I got the old "I told you if you adopted older kids from overseas you'd have problems!!" but eventually I did ask for help, then I was condemned, judged, and turned against. Can't win. Thankfully, both of those difficult ones are grown and gone now and the two easy ones are still left at home. It's hard to talk about having difficult kids, cause those who have none just don't get it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-65168419938492280092013-09-11T22:17:43.052-04:002013-09-11T22:17:43.052-04:00Oh I hear ya! But I have never tried to hide the ...Oh I hear ya! But I have never tried to hide the fact that mine is hard to raise. The trouble is that people don;t see it until they spend a considerable amount of time with her. BUT, every time, and I mean EVERY time some one spends enough time with us to really see her in full bloom they say "wow, now I know what you mean. I don;t know how you do it." That comment both helps me feel justified and makes me angry. So do people think I am just whining about my kid when I say "she is really hard to raise"???? I guess they do. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-46075118473749895082013-09-11T20:18:36.831-04:002013-09-11T20:18:36.831-04:00I have a Kimani. Except that her name is Johanna. ...I have a Kimani. Except that her name is Johanna. She's smart, funny, beautiful and affectionate. She's also a bit maniacal at times! She's also one of 3 sisters in our home with Ds, and has 6 older brothers. Out of the 9 kids, none have been as difficult, perplexing, frustrating, and sometimes embarrassing as Johanna. She can be a handful! Then catch you off guard with her absolute sweetness. Of all my kids I don't think any of them love me more fiercely than she does. Sherry Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00103099940473998389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4373649301575623347.post-44921052018517943052013-09-11T19:52:40.532-04:002013-09-11T19:52:40.532-04:00I resonate with this post, and am glad you wrote i...I resonate with this post, and am glad you wrote it. Kimani and Evie could really do some damage I suspect.Gillian Marchenkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16816763667123092441noreply@blogger.com