Last night I wrote a post about the days when I was not an ok mom (prompted by an excellent post on Gillian's blog.) It was an honest post that described my struggles to overcome rageful reactions to ordinary kid stuff that my kids do. It was the kind of post that might touch someone out there who needs to hear that she is not alone, that there is hope, and that change is possible.
But I did not end up posting it. I may never post it. In fact as I read through my posts of late (the past year or so) I wonder if I will ever post real stuff that matters ever again... because too many people I know IRL read this blog (ahem, not that you would ever know that by the comments or rather lack there of.)
I struggle as a mom. I have body image issues. I am sad about my daughter Kimani... it twists my heart and mind. I have not-so-nice but true and rather funny opinions of some people around me and in my virtual world. I am seriously no longer convinced about God. I hate being a SAHM. I miss the freedom to travel. My husband doesn’t get enough sex. I am often tired of being me now and ache to be me then. I am conflicted about abortion. You get the idea.
But if I step off the cliff and write about all that, what does it really matter and in the long run it will only hurt me. When I go to publish my nonfiction book about parenting infants with Down syndrome, people will say, "That is the same woman who writes all that awful crap on her blog." When I try to set up playdates for my kids the moms will remember what I have written here and think maybe they don’t want their kids around her kids. I have already lost much of my Christian readership and would likely lose the rest.
Why blog anymore? I don’t know. There must be a reason I still feel drawn to write the truth as I see it.
Organize Gut Health Changes to Heal Your Body - Today’s post is a little bit of a detour from most but it’s a topic that is a pretty important part of my life. I wanted to share it with you today to ans...